Looking for Love in all the Wrong Places??

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Kind of a catchy line of lyrics but is there meaning behind it? Let’s break it down a little. Why is anyone out there looking for love in the first place? Is love such a ‘thing’ that can be tangible enough to be looking for it?

After some rough patches of life myself, I have to admit I didn’t want to even think about love. I created my own mid-life crisis instead. Good idea? Oh, yeah. You have no idea. My idea was to have fun. And I am sure, in the back of my mind, I thought I might meet someone in the process. Well, I was half right. I did have a lot of fun doing what I called ‘destination dating.’ I would find a looker online, do the normal interview questions based upon my criteria and set the date in a spot neutral to both parties. It was at this destination where the date happened. Fun, but short lived and it produced zero lasting relationships. In 18 months, I had been to Atlanta, Jacksonville, New York City, Cabo San Lucas, Phoenix, Salt Lake City, Kansas City, Nashville, Charlotte, Columbia and Charleston South Carolina and many other places.

All of this travel produced a paradigm shift for me. I thought, instead of looking for love far away, what would happen if I decided to just GIVE love right where I was. I began learning the names of my neighbors. Soon, I took them treats. Not long after that, dinners and parties followed. I truly became more aware of my surroundings, right near my home. When I did and gave time and effort to the neighborhood and community, guess what happened?? Love came to me unabated. No longer did I have to look or search or find or seek… it came to me.

In this period of change, I have also discovered that the best giving of love away that I could do was doing it without pomp and circumstance. It was quietly feeding the homeless. It was ringing doorbells, leaving treats, and running like crazy not to be caught doing good. There was no bugle and fife or drum and banner. Not a single toot of my own horn would interrupt the peace I felt as love came to me.

All the pity parties ceased. The pity parties were when I waited for things to happen while I was doing nothing. The pity parties stopped when I stopped looking for love and started giving love to all those I came in contact. I learned how to give love in all the languages of love and enjoyed the challenge of trying to be creative when doing so.

Someone has wisely said, ‘Lift where you stand.’ I would suggest that we love where we live. It is the right place and it is a most critical time to do so. Enough with hate. Enough with looking for love in all the wrong places. Love where you live and watch your community transform. It only takes a little bit of goodness to lift the spirits of everyone. Have you done any good in the world today? Try it. It works!

Paul Zolman

Paul Zolman

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